Soul Mate Express

Seek to Understand One Another

I have to tell you that sometimes I really do not understand the reactions of a man?

I am sometimes left baffled and taken back a bit?

For a second I even get the thought of giving up on men altogether. Notice I said for a second. Well maybe two? ;-)

The frustration comes up when I seem to be the only one that wants to understand the other in relationship.

I am not talking about everyone here nor am I criticizing.

This is not a case of who is right and who is wrong.

As it usually turns out instead of giving up all together, I choose to seek to understand the other persons unique point of views to the best of my ability.

In doing so I find a much deeper truth which becomes very valuable to me for growing and learning in relationships that makes me a better person each time.

It allows me to feel safe.

Seek to understand, and you'll be understood.

We can both have it our way together.

What a great and beautiful concept.

I know that men desire to be understood and appreciated for their efforts.

So it makes perfect sense for a man to perhaps practice this incredible skill of taking on the other persons perspectives as well, before reacting in a way that could have possibly been misunderstood by him?

Women most certainly appreciate it when a man makes the effort to understand us as well.

As a matter of fact you would be more likely to get your needs met by the woman in your life if you were to practice this skill more often.

Simply put, women need to feel safe and loved to feel loving and this is a definite way to provide that need for her that will serve you very well in the long run for the both of you.

Another win win.

This is a skill for men and women to practice that is easier said than done, it is not something you just acquire over night.

As you practice this skill and are able to step outside your ego with awareness, you get into more of a place of being emotionally and mentally centered. 

By experiencing this practice of being in the other persons shoes long enough, is to truly feel what it is like to be the other person in your relationship and how they experience you.

It truly is amazing what you learn when you do this and a great way to experience and share a loving and lasting relationship with one another.

Just as Gandhi would always prepare to negotiate with world leaders.

I put on the man's unique point of view like it were really mine and walk in their shoes for a moment in time.

A Woman's Intrigue of A Mature Confident Man

Ok, I received this email from a man I am dating and want to share this with all of you.

 Men and women.

He is allowing me to post it, which makes him cool and a fine example of a mature man approaching the beginning stages of a relationship.

This was so fun for me to receive this. I think any woman would be thrilled to receive an email like this?

This is a man that is really stepping up.....

"There are a few things I would like to ask of you at this time (and of course I will try to provide the same in return):

1. Patience-much of what you discuss is very familiar to me (love, respect, connections, purpose, freedom, etc.), but your approach to these subjects comes from a different angle than mine has in the past. I ask for your patience as I begin to learn to view things from a new and fresh perspective.

2. Tolerance - I admit to innocent ignorance of many facets of your being: Aesthetician, Shaman, energy healing, Goddess self, etc. .I ask that you view my ignorance, not as a sign of disrespect, but as an opportunity for learning.

3. Feedback-I want to make the connection you are seeking and be in the "whole dance." Let me know how I/we are progressing.

4. Respect - I realize that respect is earned over the long-term, but I want to emphasize the fact that I come to you as a happy, grounded, sane, open-mined, open-hearted, emotionally stable and, yes, brave man. "I am me, I am." Much of your approach to life will undoubtedly provide me opportunities to embrace change-and I will wholeheartedly change when I believe I'll be a better man for it. I am responsible for me 100%.

5. Embrace diversity - We will argue! I will push you intellectually and you will push me. Enjoy it!

I can't wait to talk..I want to hear your thoughts on "the balance of the dance."

 

This man impresses me.

There is an ebb and flow, a give and take.

An embracing and respect of diversity, with a fun twisting challenge for me to look forward to.

There is an excitement and a willingness to learn and grow in relationship with a woman.

He desires to have a good understanding of where I am coming from and to know more about what my interests are all about.

......"A new and fresh perspective."

He is able to claim 100% responsibility and articulate his needs clearly and decisively.

He speaks his truth.

He is fully engaged in his integrity, purposeful, inquisitive, intelligent, attentive, confident and courageous.

There is a masculine energy about it that is so inviting and draws you in.

I know It made me smile to get such an email.

He already understands his part naturally in the balance of the dance and has put his own unique step forward desiring to learn more.

Now that, is attractive.

Don't you think Ladies?

It is so fun and exciting to have a man really show up.

When a man really steps it up, a woman's need to admire you and be devoted to your authentic strength gets met and we melt.

Dating Priority # 1 Fun First

I say, "Let's first see if we can get along, have lots of fun, and then see what happens?"

Create that clean slate that is now before both of you that is unique to your paths crossing.

Be in the present moment now.

This is all that really exists.

Stop living from the past.

Live as if you have never been hurt before.

Be respectful, caring and honest to one another.

Always do your best.

Communicate your needs calmly and clearly as it comes up.

Let the moments spent together unfold without expectations or labels inhibiting the abundance of unlimited possibilities, which are truth.

You are both amazing unique individuals.

There has never been anyone like you before and there never will be anyone like you again.

Never, Ever!!! How cool is that?

I love those sweet little surprises that happen naturally when just hanging out with that special someone.

Life is an adventure that is meant to be fun.

Be in the moment as if this is what matters and engage fully in life.

You will know what you need to know when you need to know it.

I invite you to commit to all of the above and experience the magic that manifests in your relationship.

A Spiritual Look: The Four Agreements

Several years ago I came across this book that changed my life forever.

It is a lifestyle, a way of living from moment to moment.

By integrating The Four Agreements into my life I was able to stop that repetitive loop inside my mind that would put me in a place of beating myself up over and over again, which never served me very well at all.

Experts say we repeat 99.9% of the same thoughts in our mind loop today that we played yesterday.

Unless we do something differently, we keep repeating the same patterns.

"I wonder why he or she didn't call me?" "What did I say?" "I must of said something or done something wrong?"

Neediness is a relationship killer for both men and women. It is a big turn off.

It only takes a small shift to make a difference.

Becoming more self aware in the moment is the most powerful way to create these small shifts and positive changes.

By abiding by the four agreements I literally transformed my life and found an inner peace within, that I never had experienced before.

Now if I have any questions I clarify it with him by using calm clear communication so that there are no misunderstandings between us as they come up.

I am a very confident woman these days and I trust the way a man wants to pursue me.

This gives me the freedom to decide whether or not he is for me by the way he presents himself with what he has to offer respectfully.

Even though I am a very independent woman, I am intrigued by chivalry.

I personally prefer him to call me in the beginning during the courtship stage.

Women typically enjoy momentum and connection of some kind. I know I do.

To me this demonstrates thoughtfulness and gives me the feeling that he is interested in getting to know me more.

That he is into me, which is a lot more fun, especially if I am into him.

It is respectful.

For me it is the sweet little gestures from him, that really warms my heart and keeps me attracted.

 In his book 'The Four Agreements' Don Miguel Ruiz provides a perfect practice for maturing and becoming more attractive along a spiritual path of learning and growing in relationship with others.

1. 'Be Impeccable With Your Word' - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. 'Don't Take Anything Personally' - Nothing others do is because of you. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. 'Don't Make Assumptions' - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. 'Always Do Your Best' - Your best is going to change from moment to moment / it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Since your thoughts and words create your reality The Four Agreements help you stay aligned with what is your truth and allows you to put your energy into focusing on what you really want to manifest into your life, instead of what you do not want to manifest.

"Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely."-- Auguste Rodin

I Shine My Light So Bright In Honor Of Our Creator

I claim my place in this world by shining my unique, bright, beautiful, powerful, eternal love and light outward to infinity and beyond.

This is my commitment to me.

It is my time!

I am committed to realizing all of my dreams come true and more, no matter what.

It is inevitable.

I will choose and share my life with a partner that will support me in putting my best self forth and achieving my dreams from the realm of unlimited possibilities, as I will do for him.

I will always choose to follow my bliss.

I will luxuriate often, in the many ways that fulfill my passions, my desires, my sensuality and my love.

I am the flow of love!

My belief is that our greatest work is seeking our own truth that we find within ourselves.

To think of what you have not thought of yet, is your real work here.

By practicing being present we build up our in the moment muscles and develop our 'I am' presence, which is a powerful magnet to what ever we desire.

You become more aware of your thoughts which no longer serve you and without judgment you can transform and shift energy instantly in such a way that your problems are never the same.

As you let go of what no longer serves you, you reveal what is true for you.

You understand that your needs and desires are important and you begin to make choices that bring you joy and surround you with people that support and love you.

Getting very clear on what you value, what you like and dislike aligns you with your truth and the life you desire to create for yourself.

You teach people how to treat you.

This is why it is so important to figure out and become aware of who you are and value this before anything else.

This way nobody can throw you off your center.

You keep stepping more and more into that honored and valued self and put that forward to show people, "This is how you treat me."

Be the Flow of Love that You Really Are

I am learning to 'guy speak' to better understand my son as he grows up and to better understand my male clients and the men in my life.

The more I learn about men and the way they think the more I adore them.

There was a study at the Gottman Institute where they put a couple in a room all hooked up to sweat sensors and heart monitors and ask them to discuss an issue that comes up in their marriage a lot.

This discussion usually turns into a fight. In five minutes Dr John Gottman can tell whether or not their relationship will succeed or fail.

During their study these were some of the findings that I appreciate knowing and sharing them with you.

Like the knowing of when a man really is committed to a woman he feels a deep obligation towards her to do the things that contribute to her happiness.

Also, men do listen (maybe not always but...) even though it may not look like it every time, they are more than not, listening to you.

This, looking like he is not listening, can escalate a woman's behaviors of getting louder for example, because a woman's need is to be really listened to and heard.

Which in turn causes a man to retreat, go into his cave and into his nothingness for a while.

This can be a very vicious cycle leading to the demise of clear communication and the breakdown in and of a relationship.

Being 100% responsible for your own actions and behaviors are so important.

Do not project your own stuff out at the other person, or blame them, but pull it back and own it, by saying, " This is mine, I feel this____, when you say that____."

It puts you in a space of responsibility, which is the ability to respond from a place of authentic power.

You will be clear and concise, and they will more likely be listening and carry out your wishes.

A win win situation.

It makes me so sad at how I handled communication with my ex when things were disintegrating at the end of our marriage.

As Maya Angelou says,"Now that you know better, you do better."

The thing that I love about my journey most is that I no longer beat myself up about things said and done in the past.

That would be futile and would only create more of the same negativity in my life.

I did the best that I could with the best knowledge and tools or lack of that I had access to at that time.

I can not change the past.

I can however create my most fabulous futures in the present moment with the valuable tools I have since gathered and placed in my tool belt.

Romance and Poetry: Good Morrow

I love this poem and wanted to share it.
It is so romantic.

My face in thine eye, thine in mine appears,

And true plain hearts do in the faces rest ;

Where can we find two better hemispheres

Without sharp north, without declining west ?

Whatever dies, was not mix'd equally ;

If our two loves be one, or thou and I

Love so alike that none can slacken, none can die.

Source:
Donne, John. Poems of John Donne. vol I.
E. K. Chambers, ed.
London: Lawrence & Bullen, 1896. 3.

   If you would like to read the rest of the poem go to http://www.luminarium.org/sevenlit/donne/goodmorrow.htm

Create A New Life Through Your Own Truth

You get the life you believe you deserve.

Look around you and observe.

What would someone have to believe in order to have the life that you have right now?

This is the question to ask to become more aware of your limiting beliefs that are unconsciously creating your life as it is now and keeping you stuck and away from the life that you truly desire.

If you believe she/he does not exist she/he does not. If you believe she does exist, she does.

There is a self fulfilling prophecy at work here.

You will always see the evidence around you in the world that makes your point of view right.

Right is not always truth.

Being right does not always make you happy.

Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?

The beauty is we have the power of free will to rewrite our story as we choose to create it.

What could you do today that would support this new life you are now creating for yourself and  families?

Everyday do at least one thing that you love to do that nurtures your soul.

Like reading a book by the fire place or soaking in a hot bath with a candle and a glass of wine with beautiful music.

Make it your own, create everyday and enjoy your creations in the present moment.

Spiritual Relationships with Others: Namaste

 

I honour the place in you where the entire universe resides.

I honour the place in you of love, of light, of truth, of peace.

I honour the place within you where, if you are in that place in you,

and I am in that place in me, there is only one of us.

--Samy Chong

 

The Divinity in me honors the Divinity in you.

Namaste

       ~Katherine

Relationships: The Simple Pleasures of Life and Making It All Count

I wanted to share this email that I received from my funderful friend Robert. It really touched my heart and I hope it touches yours.

"Ok, I met this couple last night, they were in their late 70's,  Seeing them together warmed my heart and only reinforced one of my inner thoughts, beliefs, that I want what they have, a life companion...  Someone to share a warm cup of coffee with on a cold morning while sitting in rocking chairs watching the sun come up...  Someone to walk an isolated beach with as the sun sets.  Someone to lay awake and watch the stars with in the middle of a southern Utah desert...  Someone to stop and smell the flowers with...  Anyway, their love, respect and compassion reminded me yet again that there is someone and that it is possible.  Needless to say I had a wonderful evening."

I once was on a golf coarse about 20 yrs ago, with my Mom and my Dad in Lake Placid, Ny.

We were in the clubhouse up above, overlooking the first and the last fairway from the outside deck.

I witnessed the cutest couple in their 80's get out of their car, and they both preceded to do some stretches on the lawn and against the curb.

He then hit the ball about 20ft ahead and she hit the ball about 10ft away, right behind him.

They did this all the way up and all the way back on the 18th hole, got into their car and drove away. All in about an hour.

The waiter told us that that couple did that ritual every day together.

I can see them as if it were yesterday and my eyes fill with tears at the sweetness of all of that.

They truly touched my heart, still today and I feel blessed to have witnessed such a beautiful sight to behold.

Yes indeed.

Must be love.

It's about the little things,the sweetnesses, the simple pleasures and the companionship shared in every moment together and making them count.

There obviously are ways for relationships to last and to continue to be fun.

A sweet mixture of the juice of life, love, compassion, mutual respect, clear communication and lots of laughter, shared over a warm cup of coffee on a cold day, perhaps?

Maybe it is work, but it all looks worth it.

Do what you love and don't let anything get in your way!

Play golf in your 80's with your long time lover. Ya!

Sweet!