Soul Mate Express

Romantic Love: Does It Really Exist?

My dear friend Carlos, that I am truly grateful for, has just asked me some wonderful questions that I hope to answer and to spark some responses and true expressions from my readers, so that we can get some different views spoken about this topic and learn from one another.

Does romantic love truly exist?

Hi Katherine,

Well, I'm back and about. How goes your dating life stuff? it makes it seem rather hectic I think on your site. I dunno tho. I assume there is a perfect goal of something final which would lead you to your end point of finding the "One true love?" or do you feel as I am beginning to in part that "Love" is a condition of a biological imperative to reproduce and that once that has been achieved things seem to fade away much as they do I am sure in the wild with the exception of a few lucky breeds of birds who actually truly mate for life.
sorry if I seem to babble :(
~Carlos

Hi Carlos,

Yes, it does come down to the reptilian brain hard wiring us differently as men and women, which is the animal, instinctive biological part of our brain.
Yes, I believe in a blissful romantic love.
You called me a muse once. now I am calling you my muse. ;-)
I actually woke up this morning thinking a great blog post would be about explaining the reptilian brain and another about romantic love and how it exists if you believe it does.
Pretty cool huh? We are on the same wave length. Keep on babbling. ;-)
Please read my blog Carlos, in honor of you, it was born.
~Katherine

Hi Carlos,

Yes, it does come down to the reptilian brain hard wiring us differently as men and women, which is the animal, instinctive biological part of our brain.

This tells the man to breed in order to reproduce and keep up the population for survival.

This tells the woman to be with a strong man that can provide and protect her and her offspring for survival.

A man can breed potentially 30 days in a month getting 30 women pregnant. Something like that. You get the idea, right?

A woman can only become pregnant once a month and is out of commission for reproduction for 9 months and if breast feeding can not reproduce for that length of time.

Which can go 5 yrs, as seen in third world countries this is very common.

In the early days, if a woman is rejected by the man she was chosen to be with, it meant she would be rejected from the tribe, which meant death.

This is still hard wired in us. Which hopefully if made aware, you men can be a little more understanding of why women get so emotional and confused around when you retreat.

Maybe think of thoughtful ways to minimize this. Like emailing a sweet note that says something like "You are desirable i just need my space. It's that retreating guy thing again."

Without leading her on if the case is different of course.

If you are no longer interested, then it will be the circumstance and maturity level of the man that will determine how it is handled.

Relationships When Man Retreats

When a man retreats and does not call, it is a very healthy and common process for men to go through while dating and moving toward a relationship with someone.

Here is a fine example of how men and women are hard wired so differently.

Women unconsciously engage with the man before the man has even thought for a moment about being in a future relationship with her.

The man at this point is unconsciously uncertain about the relationship and has the desire to be in his state of blissful nothingness of freedom, fullness and purpose.

Women quite often interpret this time as a rejection of her by the man.

This misunderstanding can be what can cause unnecessary resistance between the sexes.

Unless of coarse we as women are aware that this is a natural process of relationship and how men do their thing.

This is simply a man being a man.

Nothing more and nothing less. This is what we as women really want. The man to be the man. Right?

Let us breathe and relax and give him space to figure things out.

By knowing this, women can now come from this place of knowing and trusting the man's process by being patient and continuing to live their own full and fabulous lives, enthusiastically.

Women like connection and momentum.

I suggest for women to continue dating other men right up to the point that the man that you choose to be with, chooses you and asks you to be exclusive with him.

This way you continue to get to know what it is you like and do not like by interacting with all the different types of men that happen to cross your path and want to date you.

Maybe you will find someone more suiting?

This is possible and can happen.

Something to consider. I don't want any of us women just to settle.

Remember that the man you choose is the man you get.

Choose wisely. This is your life.

How could you possibly know about this person in such a small amount of time really?

Many women project their fantasies out on to him about what the relationship should look like.

This is not fair to him and will not serve you well. This will backfire sure enough.

Finding love: A Chi buzz, water and some dark chocolate and I'm good to go!

The following paragraph was written by a young man, my new friend, that I have been responding with via email. This is in response to him finding my blog:

I have found you ;) awesome :) I like your site. I think I am done dating unlike you. I just don't feel right now that there is anyone out there who is compatible with me. Kind of sucks, but I'm sure ill grow to accept it in time.

So many people find themselves in this place of discouragement as they get out there into the dating world as Carlos has.

You happily put your self out there because you are ready. Meeting new people can be fun and exciting and can get you out of the same ole, same ole.

You date for a few months, maybe years and are really giving it your all.

Then you realize that there are not many people out there that seem very compatible with you.

Quite often you have chemistry for them and they are not interested in you and visa versa.

What is this all about?

So you come to this conclusion that there is nobody for you and the acceptance of, you are never going to find someone that connects with you, is the key.

I'll say it sucks!

Luckily there is another way folks!

There are untapped perspectives that have yet to be revealed to you.

You get the life you believe you deserve. (more on this in future blog posts)

I dated a man last night. He told me that getting up early in the morning to watch the sun rise was a guy thing.

I questioned him with curiosity. " I love to get up early and watch the sun coming up, what do you mean a guy thing?"

(The energy at sun rise and sunset is so romantic and incredibly peaceful and beautiful. Oh my gosh, come on back Kath)

He said that all women like to sleep in and he has never known a woman who enjoyed waking up early to see the sun rise as he so loved to do.

This is what he believed to be true.

A belief is your opinion of what you think is true, whether or not it is.

I said to him, "If you believe she/he does not exist, she/he does not. If you think she does exist, she does."

Remember a change in perspective is a miracle.

This creates the desired changes in your life.

The way to inner peace and happiness is to practice being present, in the now.

There are many tangible ways to do this as you live your life.

I will start you off slow so you can adjust as you practice and experience for yourself the breakthroughs, the aha moments and the clarity that you get on this magnificent journey of self awareness and actualization.

You do not have to work on yourself for one more second except to become aware of your thoughts and not judge yourself for them.

This is powerful stuff.

Really. I kid you not.

Become aware and be gentle here, always.

Remember you are not your thoughts, you are the awareness behind your thoughts.

It is up to you to become self aware.

This is where all of your answers are, within you. No one knows you better than you.

Tap into your inner intelligence by tuning into yourself.

Start a routine every day, pick a time that works best for you, a time to quiet yourself as best as you can.

The key is to notice without judgment, the thought. Observe it as it passes by and disappears like passing clouds in the sky.

Bring your attention back to breath each time you find yourself drifting and say to yourself, "Oh isn't that curious another thought that took me away from the now."

Be here now, follow your breath.Quiet yourself. Breathe. Envision a beautiful white light above your head, breathe it through the top of your head and down your spinal column. From your tail bone and through your legs and feet, breathe this light into mother Earth. Visualize the light taking up root and grounding deep down into the Earths' core like the root of a tree. Now anchor your root to something there. Feel this nurturing energy come up through your legs from Mother Earth and up through to your heart. Expand and open your heart by visualizing and breathing out into the room you are in. Expand out more by filling up your house with this heart energy, then out into your community and out into the world.

You are now present, fully connected with Source(Chi, Life force energy) and grounded.

This is the energy that fills us up with the love that we all yearn for.

Yearn no more.

Learn to harness this and all your needs will be met. The love you seek is not outside of yourself it is within.

The experts say that when you fall in love it is you that you are falling in love with.

I Am A Dater!

I am a dater!

This is what my friends have called me with great support, enthusiasm and giggles.

My girlfriends love me and live through me vicariously.

The man I have been seeing has retreated into his blissful nothingness of freedom and purpose once again.

 I believe he wants to date other women.

That is fine with me. Be free.

I date men that choose me as I have positioned myself to choose them.

Something is lost if the man is not crazy about me.

It is called fun!

I will not compromise that desire. There is no way.

So I go out and date other men with enthusiasm.

I liked to be wined and dined.

The universe has provided me with some very interesting men in my inbox.

They are quite articulate with their words in expressing themselves. Something that I am very attracted to.

I am changing up my format a bit and am going to share my journey of love and dating with you, all in the hopes of you sharing yours and creating a cool community where we can fully express ourselves to help bridge the gender gap.

I have put some boundaries up that I have always had in place. I am different in that I do not share my love life with my girlfriends.

My love life is sacred and that is the business between that man and myself that will not go outside of those walls.

This is my choice and it works well for me.

What has happened in the past is our own business and will not be shared. I do not want to know about your past(the man I am seeing) and my past is of no body else's business but mine.

Also the past is the past.

I prefer to clean the slate every time.

I walk forward as if I have never been hurt before.

This new interaction with this new person will never be like any other interaction before it.

Everyone that crosses my path is unique, as is our interaction, as is what is created between us simply because our paths have crossed.

I revere this knowing, with you.

This is true with any other person you have ever met.

This new interaction is between he and I and no body else. If we have disagreements I do not go to my friends to resolve it, I go to you (the man).

Dating: Who Pays?

Traditional dating and courtship is a lost art that needs to be reborn in my opinion.

Men and women are hard wired differently for primal reasons and through the years have never changed.

It's in our genes.

Dating and courtship is about creating attraction and a sexual tension that brings on a romance.

If a man has romantic intentions it is shown through the act of planning the date and doing for the woman to please and impress her.

Men want to do for you and please you.

Why would you want to get in the way of this pleasure for a man?

By allowing a man to pay in the beginning is symbolic of romantic intentions on his part.

As the dating continues there will be plenty of time to offer and pay on other occasions.

Women are in their masculine energies, doing, doing, doing for everybody else. Many of us day and night are running corporations and households.

We have proven time and time again that we can do it all ladies. We do not have to prove this anymore.

Been there done that.

It can be so difficult for some women to surrender and allow others to do for them.

Just do it!!! Practice it's fun!

We were made to surrender to love and be in the flow of love.

This is what we as women live for. This is what men live for.

Dating and Relationships: Do Your Dreams Mesh?

Do your dreams mesh?

This is a very important question when choosing your partner.

This is a very important question to ask in the early stages of dating. It tells a lot.

It is of no use choosing a man who's dreams are not a compliment to your dreams.

I dated a man that when asked what his dreams were, he stated that when he retired he wanted to be surfing in California everyday with his four boys.

I could not see myself fitting into that lifestyle, nor the sidelines of that lifestyle.

It did not seem that a woman would have been invited either.

I do not think it is healthy to be a part of all of my man's dreams. I just knew this guy was not for me. Great to know so early on.

I believe everyone deserves to live their dreams.

The type of life that allows you to express yourself as yourself and really lights you up with that passion that stirs your soul.

Metaphorically Weeding Our Gardens

I have been procrastinating weeding my garden for a long time.

I tried hiring someone, they quoted me a price and never showed up.

I think it looked too scary?

Today I went out and started pulling each nasty thistle out, enthusiastically focused on the moment before me.

As if it all really matters.

If I didn't get on a roll and voila, my gardens are all weeded.

I actually enjoyed every moment of it, like never before. This really works.

I am energized.

Anyone need some weeding done? ;-P

I weeded, metaphorically, energetically and literally.

I know this is true.

I feel the shifts for the positive already.

I am so pleased and looking forward to all the new things that will show up in my life now because I cleared some space for new things to come in.

I will joyfully allow them into my life.

Dating: Embracing The Moment

As the old systems crumble and fall apart around us we must change with the times or be forced to find new ways to deal with the unknown of what's to come.

What we need here is strength and courage, clarity and nourishment.

We are so used to striving for control and measuring our worth from what we have instead of what we contribute to our world around us.

We deeply crave a world of the heart, a world where our Spirit lives freely and openly in the moment.

In order to feel safe and happy we need to be able to tap into Spirit and become self reliant and assured.

It is in the present moment that the truth is revealed.

As I have practiced and become more present in the moment, amazing things have become more aware to me.

I am for one more intuitive. Especially in relationship.

Instead of reacting from a place of an old energy pattern and taking things personally.

 I find myself able to step back and observe the whole situation from outside myself.

 Making it possible to express my self in a way that is very fulfilling to me and not too emotional and overwhelming to a man.

I receive the gift of clarity and what is more likely to be the truth.

I am in the now and more open to receiving from a place of inspiration instead of from a place of fear.

I am present with this clarity and the ability to articulate a response that is non threatening, easily heard and received by the other person.

By not projecting our pain out onto the other person we get more of what we want.

So instead of reacting to circumstances, you set a clear intention for what you desire the outcome to be.

You become aware in that moment without judgment and you take responsibility for your own feelings, behaviors and actions.